My husband and I creatively collaborated for a fifth time! I re-introduced him to another one of my childhood favorites; the movie called Ernest Scared Stupid. It’s an in your face, larger than life picture that warms your heart with an innocent, loveable, unconventional, goofball hero! We utilized this flick for his new-ish magazine called: Rob’s Video (you can purchase it here).
We shall be revisiting the terrorizing troll trope with one of my faux frightening* festive favorites: Ernest Scared Stupid! I know what you’re thinking: “But Halloween’s over!” Well, technically, you’re right, but when I wrote this, it wasn’t Halloween yet so.. suck it up, buttercup! “Know what I mean, Vern?”
Bonus points to anyone who read the quote: “But Halloween’s over!” in Mike TeaVee’s whiny voice from the ’71 Willy Wonka movie. He actually says: “But Easter’s over!” Double bonus points to anyone who knows who Vern is in the Ernest movies! Do you know? No? Give up? Alright, well, I guess I’ll tell ya.. Vern is Ernest’s “best friend,” but is never shown on-screen.
Those that do grace the silver screen are: Ernest P. Worrell, our dimwitted yet honorable protagonist, who is portrayed by the late Jim Varney. Triple bonus points to anyone who’s noticed that Ernest P. Worrell’s outfit resembles Ernest T. Bass’ from The Andy Griffith Show! Ball cap, light colored long sleeve shirt, dark vest, and jeans. They say: “Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.” Other cast members are: the legendary late Eartha Kitt, who’s best known as Catwoman and singer of “Santa Baby” (or for you young folk: Madame Zeroni from Holes) plays the crotchety Old Lady Hackmore. Get it? Hack More! Haha.. The Tulip Brothers, Tom & Bobby, played by the late John Cadenhead & Bill Byrge, recurring characters who resemble a classic comedic duo: Laurel & Hardy (or for you young folk: Jay & Silent Bob). The lead boy hero, played by Austin Nagler, this is his only movie credit because he was relentlessly teased for his kissing scene by his peers when this movie premiered that he retired from acting and never looked back! Well, technically, his female co-star kissed his cheek, but still.. kids are like totally harsh! Not cool, my dudes.. not cool.
This scary* spooky* silly slapstick flick is a scream! And the screams are stellar, so watch at your own risk! You can expect the following and more: Classic horror movie scenes slideshow intro (ranging from 1922 – 1960). Vague time caption: “Long ago.” Animated facial expressions. Elaborate, colorful monologues. Self-dipping mops. Baby doll face smashed in mechanical gears. Electrocution. Compressed garbage block. John Wayne impressions. Ablaze junkyard. A flame torch. Long, shrill screaming. A wrecked haunted house. An over-jacked rusty ol’ truck. Hysterical perspective aka multiple personalities: Roman military tribune with a mellifluous baritone voice. A frenzied tribal warrior. Dramatic neck-brace-wearing Great Aunt. Eccentric, rural cowboy with a Southern drawl. Stuck-up fashionista. Smudged-faced pilot. Overdressed lumberjack. Said over-jack slingshotting itself into the Mayor’s car window. Slappin’ trees. Bird poo facial. Rolling fog in the woods. Hammer licking. Steampunk goggles. Rock throwing. Heavily armed tree house. Cat food catapult. Pizza flinging. Literal pizza faces! Fishnet, rope, potato sack, and metal chain BDSM. Snotty noses. Wooden dolls. Ooey gooey hanging cursed “brussel sprouts” pods. Oversized “Troll and Other Tree Devils” book. Dramatic lighting with a confident: “[I am] the Great Redneck Hope!” with a supportive “Hallelujah!” singing in the background. Loud, frantic bullhorn warnings whilst running amuck throughout the neighborhood. Homemade One Stop Salvage Shop commercial recording. Corny sales pitch jokes followed by comedic rimshots. A pooch named.. Rimshot! $1,749.98 + plus tax worth of troll extermination supplies. A giant album with every Troll Love Song ever written. More rolling fog in the woods. Fingers smashed by a dumpster lid. Breaking the fourth wall. Pooch disguised as a “yummy little child” aka “troll bait.” Pitching tiny tents. Gigantic rusty steel claw trap. CB lingo: “Blue Leader, this is Troll Fighter. C’mon back now, how about ya? Roger that! What’s your 20? Over and out!” Ankle biting. More breaking the fourth wall. Writing lines on a chalkboard, nails on a chalkboard, and a teacher smacking a kid in the back of the head. All the rolling fog in the woods. Truck door smack to the face. More snotty noses. Truck roof stabbing. Truck door dismantling. Skull belt buckle. Truck driving pooch. Sword vs hedge shears fight. Nunchucks. Pulling against an accelerating 200 horsepower truck. Bumper sandwich. Roaring a windshield to pieces. Using a super size can opener to free someone from a pinched 55 gallon steel drum. Another pizza face. Crashing a Halloween Gala’s Costume Contest. Mistaken public intoxication. More ankle biting. Chocolate vanilla swirl ice cream facial. Cultural appropriation costumes. An angry parent mob. Eye gouging. Shooting baskets with a bowling ball. Unnecessary acceptance speech. Breaking all the fourth walls. Writing lines on a chalkboard again, nails on a chalkboard again, and a teacher smacking a kid in the back of the head again. All the snotty noses. Game of Duck, Duck, Troll. A Sheriff handcuffed to his own cruiser. Troll swallows bullets and becomes a spit shooter. Milk squirt guns. Operation Dairy Drop. Melted, bubbling entrails. 2% milk facial. Turn-that-frown-upside-down clown is nailed to a tree by his shoes. Mustached safari guide. Hairspray facial. Camera film consumption. Blue flying specter demons. Wiggly worm-like antenna. Miracle-Gro black and yellow claws. Devil facial spikes, horns, and tusks. Quaking flame pit. Slow-troll-dancing. Sloppy snotty snogging. Serious seizure head explosion. High-pitched flatulence.
I put the asterisks * after the words: “frightening,” “scary,” and “spooky” because the director, John Cherry, later admitted that he made the troll, Trantor, too scary and that it frightened kids, thus hurting the box office. Ernest Scared Stupid had a budget of $9.6M and grossed $14.1M, therefore it made a measly $4.5M profit, which is interesting considering it premiered in October of ’91 for the Halloween season. There have been numerous correlations made about Ernest Scared Stupid’s storyline paralleling Disney’s Hocus Pocus, however it premiered in July of ’93. They’re both live-action Halloween themed family films, they were both glossed over in their original releases, but each have a big cult following nowadays. Looking deeper into the films, the creepy historical introductions are followed by classroom scenes with someone narrating about the unpleasant events and its curses against the villagers. In addition, both lead hero boys meet up against their school bullies before facing their paranormal foes: the troll and the witches; they need the souls of children to become invincible or eternal youth. Both main characters inadvertently resurrect Trantor and the Sanderson Sisters.
The movie poster, VHS, & DVD covers have Ernest screaming whilst popping out from inside a pumpkin with a cemetery behind him, which is interesting because there are no cemeteries shown in the entire film. There was a rumor of the Troll originally digging up dead children to feed off of and Ernest was a caretaker for a cemetery, however there is no evidence of this theory and yet it seems likely. Although the story takes place on Halloween in Missouri, there’s no fall foliage or real pumpkins because they shot in the spring.
Rotten Tomatoes gave Ernest Scared Stupid a rating of 17% and its Audience Rating is 50%. Just goes to show ya that viewers aren’t afraid of dumb funny flicks! Those lame, serious “movie reviewers” just don’t know good, clean, fun silliness!
This is one of my childhood favorites because this movie goes a hundred miles an hour! There are so many layers: jokes, pop culture & historical references that you discover a NEW one every time you watch it! In preparation for writing this review, I caught numerous clever pokes that my head is still spinning. The genius that lived inside Jim Varney’s brain is on another level. His theater background required him to memorize abnormally long lines of dialogue. His impersonation skills equipped him to be a comedic legend. I’ve heard of this combination before with the late Don Knotts, for instance. Both men were classically trained professionals who found fame in the comedic realm. Serious actors who brought serious laughs. They knew the scientific formula to create magic on stage, which translated on-screen too.
I recommend Ernest Scared Stupid to be a relatively safe introduction movie for your kids, young niblings (nieces/nephews), and grandkids who want to tiptoe into the horror genre. This little gem is the gift that keeps on giving, really. Passed down from generation to generation, just like the Worrell clan; from Phineas to Ernest P. I can relate (no relation, haha) to Ernest because I, too, always try to do the right thing yet.. sometimes I mess up and somehow it all turns out to be okay in the end with a little help from your friends (The Beatles or Joe Cocker, haha). Even if some of your friends may be youngsters, old biddy hermits.. or covered in fur! Friendship holds no boundaries. Regardless of your BFF’s DNA, IQ, DOB, or BMI! Check out this silly, not-so-scary cinematic sensation that every member of the family will enjoy. The variety of humor will be sure to tickle everyone’s funny bone.
‘Twas such an honor that Jaimie asked me to collaborate with him, again, on his creative project, Rob’s Video ‘zine! As I mentioned in my Vintage Trolling, Intergalactic Pals, Imaginary Frenemy, and Sob Storyteller blog posts, we were originally inspired to create vintage good/bad movie posters whilst watching the documentary: 24×36: A Movie About Movie Posters (highly recommend). Jaimie decided to take the lead on the overall design of the movie poster, however I did initially suggest including Earth Kitt, but it seemed heavily uneven so we ultimately decided to forego that idea and utilize that space with a moonlit sky to balance out the treehouse in the background. Jaimie did end up redrawing Earth Kitt’s character, Old Lady Hackmore, as additional imagery to feature in his ‘zine. I formatted the movie title, advertising slogan, and billing block. Per usual, we will not color this movie poster because we will eventually display it along with our other four black and white movie posters in our living room as an interesting conversation piece for when people visit!
We recently celebrated Ernest Day at a modern-day souvenir shop called KY4KY in Lexington, Kentucky; which just so happens to be the hometown of late Jim Varney who played Ernest P. Worrell. I thoroughly enjoyed seeing multiple people in costume, hilariously designed items, and special guest Justin Lloyd, a local biographical author who just so happens to be Jim Varney’s nephew. Of course, I bought his book and had him sign it. I’m looking forward to reading it and learning more about the comedic genius! Justin informed us that a Jim Varney documentary will be premiering soon, which I’ll be keeping tabs on when and where. Check out our weekend road trip here!
A Picture is Worth a Thousand-ish Words 