Before there was Saki, there was this, uhm, what the heck is this Idol Fight Suchie-Pai 2?! I don’t even know how I stumbled upon this retro OVA about mahjong. Of course, curiosity got the better of me so you bet I’m going to take a look at this single OVA that came out in 1996. Heh. I mean, what’s the worst that could happen, right? Oh sh*t, I think I just jinxed it…
May the best hand win…
Oh wow. Opening narration about some legendary tile that could grant wishes. And if you have a dark greedy heart, it amplifies that evil. Wow. Whatever. We see a doctor examining a patient. The moment she asks her patient to strip, her pet bunny, Milk transforms into a furry Playboy girl? Anyway, her goal is to take over the world. Sensei gets so scared and that’s because she has a vivid imagination after reading lots of sci-fi books. Turns out Milk just takes their clothes and considers her domination of the hospital complete. Oh right. Seifuku = world conquest or uniform. WTF… Now we see the maid, Sanae Makieda being bullied by her oujo-sama and accused of breaking a vase. Her papa comes to add misery. He doesn’t care if she can compensate. It’s not about the money. It’s about the feelings of the vase. Huh? Because he is going to break her arm to make her feel the vase’s pain! WTF?! But suddenly Sanae transforms into some dominatrix BDSM queen! Time to whip and turn the tables on you perverted geezer! Crotch step! Oujo-sama returns in an equally pathetic dominatrix outfit and thinks as the bully queen, nobody can outdo her. How wrong she is. She gets owned right away. The bully gets bullied. Alice Shinohara is some idol waiting to perform on stage. Before the curtain raises, it seems she transforms and whisks away, leaving her band and the fans wondering where the f*ck she disappeared to. At a construction site, Tsukasa Ichimonji saves a colleague from a falling beam. Later during lunch, the guys mock how Tsukasa is so strong that she isn’t even a woman. Heck, she might not even be human! Tsukasa heard all that and feels sad. Hey, even cyborgs have feelings too, you know!
Kyoko Misaki bumps into Shiho Katagiri. I think they are going to play mahjong. Nearby, a woman enters a shed to meet a friend but she sees her being killed off by a cat girl monster as she is eating her corpse! OMFG!!! Now that she has seen this, she must die! Apparently Milk, Alice and Sanae are all waiting for their moment because this Pinzu Monster is the legendary tile that they all want to get. Kyoko and Shiho argue who should go call the cops when suddenly Tsukasa barges into the scene with her jeep. That legendary tile is mine! And then everyone starts arguing it’s theirs. Tsukasa uses her machine to blow Pinzu away! Uhm, did Pinzu regenerate?! WTF she claims that could kill her?! This violent scene has Shiho passed out so it is chance for Kyoko to transform into Suchie Pai! Yes, she is also one of the candidates who is after the legendary tile. It starts to get messy as everybody fights everybody, everybody sabotaging everybody. It’s just f*cking chaotic. Even Pinzu is annoyed she has been ignored! In the end, Suchie Pai does some tornado move to blow everybody away. WTF that killed Pinzu?! Not sure what crystal on her forehead broke. Her body disappears and becomes the legendary tile. Before she could claim it, everybody starts fighting over it! Ah well… I guess this is going nowhere so Suchie Pai suggests since there are 9 more tiles like this, why not work together to get them? Absolutely not! And the petty fight among themselves continues…
Meh-jong Idol Losers…
WTF did I just see?! WHAT THE HECK?! WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED?! Well, my guess was that this OVA served as some sort of introduction and promotion for the eroge of this franchise in the 90’s. I’m not really a mahjong fan so I don’t really care. So I suppose if you are a fan of that strip mahjong game, you’ll be familiar with the characters that popped up here. Otherwise, newbies like yours truly would definitely be totally lost. Not sure what the f*ck is going on and what the heck that kind of ending is supposed to be. I mean, everything feels so paltry and mediocre. The animation may reek 90’s style but it has very obvious poor quality. Even the fanservice is so weak. Not even free bare tits shown. Just a few moments of the girls in lingerie here and there. That’s it. So are they saying if you want to see more, go play the game? I don’t know. Not sure if the game’s ecchi elements are mild but I guess back then, it might be considered brazen enough. But by today’s standards, let’s say no red blood cells will be rushing to blow up the penis and create so much of a boner.
And finally, the characters. Mediocre and confusing. Inconclusive. Like I said, they’re just introducing the characters of the game so those who are not familiar with the series will be lost and asking who the f*ck these girls who can magically transform into their alter egos are. It is not even explained the basics of why they want to get the legendary tile but I can guess each of them have their own wishes. For example, I believe Tsukasa wants to be totally human and no more an android. Sanae doesn’t want to be bullied anymore. Alice’s could be wanting to return to the magic world since she is lamenting about being an idol right now. Milk… Not even sure why this bunny wants clothes?! WHY?! Kyoko AKA Suchie Pai I suppose is the main character and the poster girl of the series and she doesn’t get a lot of coverage like the other characters so it is anyone’s guess what her wish is. And they make everybody fighting everybody in the end, what a huge f*cking mess. Hey, I thought it was supposed to have something to do with mahjong?! Hey, at least saves my brain from all those f*cking mahjong terms! If that free for all scene was supposed to be funny, cringe is the better word. Or just WTF.
Overall, this single OVA feels like a waste of time but I didn’t regret it since I was curious to watch it. Now that my curiosity has been satiated, I can tell this is just really crap! I don’t know if this is some psychological move because since this OVA is really low quality, the only way to blow away all that disappointment is to go play the eroge itself! I don’t know. 90’s porn and eroge feel so dated. Not even a mahjong fan to begin with. So mahjong + fighting + idols = not a very good combination. I can see why it never caught on despite the game has a few other versions and releases throughout the years. I don’t think that is even popular. I mean, can’t find any decent info about it on the web. Ah well, I’m glad I’m done with it and time to move on. Such a pity, bye… Bad pun intended…
Chua Tek Ming~*Anime Power*~ !LiVe FoR AnImE, aNiMe FoR LiFe! 