‘Panzservice’ is my portmanteau word for Panzer + Fanservice. ‘Panservice’ and ‘Panzervice’ didn’t look right. Read on for a more detailed explanation.

This post is inspired by this other post on Dark Roasted Blend. Just giving credit where it’s due.

I actually read that DRB post quite a long time ago, but recently re-read it and went off to find the source documents. Which are … um … weird. Here are the links to the scanned versions online. As far as I can tell, they’re official and authentic. The illustrations also appear to be authentic since they’re spaced properly, and not graffiti doodled in the margins.

[Please note that these documents are NSFW due to cartoon nudity]

Tiger-Fibel: 1943 instruction manual for the Third Reich’s Panzerkampfwagen VI Ausf. E or Tiger I [untranslated German]

Panther-Fibel: 1944 instruction manual for the Third Reich’s Panzerkampfwagen V or Panther [untranslated German]

These manuals are certainly a surprise. I mean, this is the Third Reich here. Most definitely an Evil Empire. But the tank instruction manuals are full of drawings of gratuitous naked women and random comic doodles. I thought the Third Reich only produced rabid anti-everyone hate and rabid Fuhrer-worship, but apparently there was fanservice too.

I imagine that the discussion went like this:

[Please note that I’m completely making up the conversation below]

A bunch of military guys sitting around in a meeting room.

“So, we’ve been having a few setbacks, I mean delays, in the war. Eastern Front especially. Damn Russians. Of course, we’re still going to win. Eventually.”

“The problem is, this victory’s taking too long and our troops are getting demoralized by the defeats, I mean strategic withdrawals. Any ideas on how to motivate them?”

“Raise morale? How about the usual tactic? Sex sells, after all.” [holds up a sheet of random sexy scribbles]

“Great! Put some of those in the next edition of the tank manuals. We’ll win in no time!”

[1945: Final defeat of the Third Reich by Allied forces, thus saving the world from a gruesome dystopian future.]

OK, here are some of the fun pages from the manuals. I’ll avoid re-posting those already featured in the DRB post. Again, NSFW warning due to cartoon nudity.

Tiger-Fibel:

It’s only page 5 and already a naked bath scene?

Another naked bath scene. I think this is a page about coolant water/antifreeze mixing. Don’t take my word for it, I don’t know German.

Uh, how to tow your tank when it breaks down?

Hmm. I suppose this means maintain the gun properly or hilarious explosions will ensue.

Gratuitous stripper dance. Really, the Panzservice is too excessive.

Missile trajectories are boring, here’s a nude pic to spice it up.

It’s not Panzservice, but I don’t know what this medieval guy is doing there.

Panther-Fibel: this one is even more over the top with the drawings, not much Panzservice but lots of really random and funny stuff.

What are those ancient Greeks doing there? I see ‘Achilles’ printed there, so is it some kind of Trojan War thing?

Medieval guy again. Learn to drive a tank, get free history lesson?

A page about ‘battle damage’ from shots at different angles, with ancient Greeks again. Truly a non-sequitur.

Demonic ammunition and music. Is the manual sing-able?

Have the gun oiled by an angel or it will blow up?

A parody of ‘Laocoon and His Sons’? Someone must really like the Trojan War.

Watch our for giant birds stealing your fuel?

Ancient Egypt appears for some unknown reason.

Anachronism time! Tank vs medieval castle.

I think I’ll do a related post next time featuring the Allied side. Aircraft nose art fanservice – those paintings of girls riding bombs on military aircraft. Bombshells on bombers!