Work on Yourself

Last week I shared some insights from “Stutz”, the recent documentary by Jonah Hill. The unique doc sheds a light on some powerful tools, Phil Stutz, Hill’s therapist, has developed and used with clients like Jonah to help them on their journey in life. One of which is the Life Force Pyramid, which I broke down last week. This week I’m going to continue sharing tools that spoke to me and can help you on your journey. First up is Part X.

PART X

Part X is the villain in our story. It is our master judge or anti-social that comes from adversity. I’ve been learning about our master judge and his saboteurs in my Positive Intelligence work that I spoke to recently in Why You’re So Miserable and Why You’re So Miserable (part 2).

Three aspects of reality Stutz says will always be a part of real life are pain, uncertainty, and constant work. We can’t get out of these aspects of our lives no matter how hard we try. The tools he shares will help to nullify Part X or our villain. He clarifies that by loving the process we can find happiness and that the driving force in doing that is vulnerability. Something that has historically been difficult for so many of us, including myself. Part of the reason I started doing the blog and podcast was to embrace vulnerability and share myself more fully with the world. A consistent message I get from people I work with, coach, or interact with in life is that they are not enough. That’s why they compensate and hide in the shadows when possible. Even with the internet and social media platforms like YouTube and TikTok being so accessible to share ourselves with the world, it can be so difficult to share our full selves — the good, bad, and ugly.

Stutz goes on to say that failure, weakness, and vulnerability are what connect us to the world (aka our community). It is our way of sending a signal to the world that “I need you. I can’t do this myself”. Everybody needs help to move forward. The trick is to stay grounded while reaching for the stars! The way I like to put it is, “Disfruta el viaje. Acepta los desvios” or “Enjoy the journey. Embrace the detours”.

STRING OF PEARLS

Stutz shares a tool, called “String of Pearls”, which is an interesting perspective on life. He posits that every action in life has the same value and acts as another pearl strung along in the series of our life. He then points out that within every “pearl” or action, there is always a “turd” inside because nothing is perfect. For example, getting out of bed in the morning is putting another “pearl” on the string. Similar to my Morning Booster (aka morning ritual), and discuss in Bookend Your Day with Small Wins, each action is another perfectly imperfect habit that stacks on itself or adds to the string of my day. It’s not about the action being perfect, it’s about the consistency of the action and being content with the actions we are taking throughout our day while enjoying the process. It’s not about the destination but the journey to the destination. Stutz continues to explain that the “winner” in life works the cycle by taking risks, having faith, and eating the consequences. If the consequences are bad, then work the cycle again. Rinse and repeat. Jonah Hill shared an interesting perspective from his work with the String of Pearls tool in that he saw it as life is full of turds that are surrounded by beautiful pearls.

THE SHADOW

You may or may not be familiar with shadow work. I was familiar with it but hadn’t really explored my own personal shadow work until more recently. This section of the doc really struck a chord with me because in it Stutz walks through this tool for doing shadow work. The exercise consists of closing your eyes and finding your shadow by visualizing a time when you were inferior, rejected, or similar. Once you think of a specific time, you talk to your shadow. You ask your shadow, “How do you feel about how I dealt with you or treated you?” Then you listen to your shadow. You ask “What can I do to make up for not accepting, loving, and partnering with you?” Then you listen again.

The thing is, our shadow is a part of us. It’s the side of us that we are ashamed of or have ostracized since we began feeling inferior or rejected. We’ve pushed it away or shunned it because we thought we were better and pushed ourselves to be high achievers, control freaks, and so on. What Stutz reveals is that we must partner with our shadow, as Bruce Banner does with the Hulk. We can’t find peace and move forward until we forgive ourselves and make amends with our shadows.

I had an insight while learning about this tool and its application to the clients I advise — If I don’t succeed, people won’t see my shadow, and on the flip side of that, if I do succeed people will see me completely, including my shadow. I realized that this is a major contributor to the glass ceiling that many of us face as we strive to succeed in business and life. I shared this with a client in a session recently and she said it was a massive insight for her. It was for me as well. Our shadow is tied to our imposter syndrome and sense of being a fraud. We don’t want to be found out, ridiculed, or feel like we don’t belong so we overcompensate, hide, or hold ourselves back so we don’t shine as brightly as we’re meant to. Shunning our shadow isn’t the answer though. Like Banner and the Hulk, we have to find peace within and love the process, knowing that pain, uncertainty, and constant work are just a part of life.

THE SNAPSHOT

The Snapshot (aka The Realm of Illusion) is the next tool Stutz shares during the Netflix documentary. There is a “perfect snapshot” of life that is created by Part X (our villain) but in that snapshot, there is no movement or depth to it. It is merely a snapshot so it can’t have either. He reiterates that in real life there are three aspects of reality that we won’t be able to get out of — pain, uncertainty, and work. The practice is in accepting that life is not like a perfect snapshot, taking action knowing that each is like a string of imperfect pearls, loving the process, and making amends with our shadows.

THE MAZE

The next tool is the maze. In life, we can get trapped in the past. You get stuck on not being paid back for something that you think is unfair. It is only in a forward motion that we can break free from our maze. Forward motion happens with Active Love. The way to step into Active Love is to close your eyes and visualize the whole universe of love. Firmly but gently put it in your heart. Visualize the person you hate, dislike, or have a grievance with. Give ALL of the entire universe of love to them. Free yourself from the maze and move forward! I did this exercise and found it to be so freeing. Recently I talked about how Forgiveness Will Set You Free, and this is a great tool to help you do that for someone you need to forgive so you can move on. As Martin Luther King Jr. said, “Love is the only force capable of transforming an enemy into friend.”

My invitation is to try these tools out to see what comes up for you. Let me know which one of the tools resonated most for you. How did you feel when doing them? What came up for you? DM me if you’d prefer or reply in the comments so we can be vulnerable and discuss together.