Jessica Simpson’s Husband Gave Her the Wildest ‘Dream’ Anniversary Gift Ever

Celebrating her sixth wedding anniversary on Instagram this week, Jessica Simpson posed with her husband, Eric Johnson, and what appears to be a giant, glittering whale carcass. Simpson, who turned 40 on Friday, July 10, looks so, so happy. And therefore I am happy.  

The object in the picture is not, as it appeared at first, an animal or a bedazzled placenta or two glistening tri-tip steaks. Rather, Simpson explains in the photo caption, it is a “crystal butterfly” that Johnson gifted her. Presumably, it is a giant geode, cracked in half to form the shape of a butterfly's wings. 

“Anyone who knows me at all knows that this crystal butterfly is my dream gift,” Simpson wrote. 

You do not have to be a scholar of Jessica Simpson (though it never hurts!) to know that here is a woman who has been through a lot. For a cheerful-seeming famous person, her life has been characterized by heartbreak, abuse, and public bullying. This year, when she released her extraordinary memoir and was heaped in deserved praise, fans finally got to see the J-Simpson we've always loved finally seem to get to actually enjoy her success. 

Jessica serving looks and selling books in 2020: 

And it's extremely gratifying to see her celebrate her life. Simpson, who has been used as target practice by the public for approximately her entire adult life, finally get what she's always wanted: a “perfect soulmate” and a humongous subspherical rock structure lined with minerals, in the shape of a butterfly. It's a glittery butterfly the size of an ottoman, and it makes her happy. Good for her! 

And more than that, as she writes in the caption, the gift shows that she's with the man who knows about her dreams and makes them real, even if it means buying her a literal rock. Am I tearing up over her getting a present from geology store for her wedding anniversary? Yes. Nothin' but a T-shirt on, never felt so beautiful, baby, as I do now, looking at a 300-pound geode. 

“6yrs ago today I married my perfect soulmate,” she captioned the picture. “Our unity was written in God’s sky of colliding stars. Together we manifest dreams, nurture desire, and hold space. Destined, it always has been and always will be, forevermore.” You can roll your eyes at this sincerity if you want, but I am here from the future to tell you it won't help you find unity written in God's sky of colliding stars, and it certainly won't help you find a rare geode shaped like a butterfly. “Whatever our souls are made of," Simpson added, quoting Emily Bronte, "his and mine are the same.” Agh! Get you a man, woman, or nonbinary person who makes you feel like Jessica Simpson receiving a giant rock formation! 

Let's scooch over to geology.com to continue our investigation into Simpson's soul—and by extent, the collective soul of a nation. 

“Most geologists enjoy geodes. However, the general public has a love affair with them,” reads an article on the site written by someone named Hobart M. King, Ph.D. “They are delighted and amazed that an uninteresting rock can contain a beautiful cluster of gemmy crystals…. Broken open, or sawn and polished—people who have never taken a geology course buy thousands of tons of geodes each year.”

Adds King: “They buy them because they enjoy them.” 

There you have it. And if one may be so bold as to editorialize further about Simpson's sixth-anniversary present: A geode is an object that is, at first, “uninteresting”—think of the phrase, “dumb as a rock." ("Is Jessica Simpson, America’s latest sweetheart, really as stupid as she seems?" an article in the Times of London asked, heartlessly, in 2004.) But then when the right person comes and breaks the geode open, it's beautiful inside. The interior life matters much, much more than the exterior. It has to be a little bit broken to be whole. 

Happy anniversary, Jessica and Eric! May your love and your crystal butterfly manifest dreams, forevermore. 

Jenny Singer is a staff writer for Glamour. You can follow her on Twitter.