When you were a kid and you were having those classic, theoretical Bruce Lee vs. Chuck Norris vs. the Terminator vs. the velociraptors from Jurassic Park arguments with your friends, the current president and head iron man of Russia probably didn’t make the cut. But in reality, Vladimir Putin was already an experienced KGB officer by then; we’re guessing the man knew a thing or two about winning fights.
Now, though, Putin’s ass-whuppin’ acumen is backed up not only by countless shirtless photo ops and an oppressive, orthodox stranglehold over Russian "democracy," but by some of the mightiest warriors in the East (cue fake Kung Fu sounds and bad lip syncing). That’s right Vladimir Putin has been named a ninth-degree black belt by the World Taekwondo Federation, which means that in reductive eight-year-old terms, he could definitely kick the crap out of martial-arts luminaries Chuck Norris (a wimpy eighth-degree in Taekwondo) and Steven Seagal (a prissy, noodle-armed seventh degree in Aikido). Just goes to show that for all the action flicks you fawned over as a kid, there’s nothing more over-the-top deadly than real life. And Russia.
But if you want to follow in the ol’ Russian Bear’s footsteps, fear not: Putin starred in a 2008 DVD called Let’s Learn Judo with Vladimir Putin. Because of course.