Stefan Schubert’s Post

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Researcher at Effective Altruism Sweden

Rightly or wrongly, people often get annoyed with disagreeable and critical people. One common argument is that they’re being disagreeable for strategic reasons: to “seem smart”, or something similar. But I think such strategic disagreeableness is less common than it might seem. Instead, I think that people who are critical of some claim or argument usually are so simply because they feel it’s flawed. I think it’s much more common that people are being nice and warm for strategic reasons, than that they’re being critical for such reasons. A poll I ran gives some evidence that strategic niceness is more common: [See thumbnail] It also seems to make more sense. People tend to like nice and warm people, which gives an obvious incentive to pretend to be nice and warm. It can solve many situations which could have become quite tricky if you had expressed the less warm emotions that you genuinely have. (I can easily recall many such situations from my life.) By contrast, people are decidedly more ambivalent about disagreeable and critical people. It’s true that some people can find their criticisms impressive (depending on context), but in many cases, any such effect will be outweighed by other people finding them annoying. Thus it seems to me there’s much less of an incentive to be critical and disagreeable. In line with that, self-help books like Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People tend to advise readers to be nice and likeable, rather than to be critical. (Granted, these books likely have a social desirability bias towards giving such advice, but it still seems like some evidence.) Indeed, I think that being critical and disagreeable often incurs a net personal loss; and that people who have critical impuluses often recognise that and actively try to resist them. In this respect, they may be somewhat akin to violent impulses (though on a very different scale, of course). It tends to pay off to please others, whereas displeasing them through criticism or, in particular, violence often does not. (Perhaps the environment of evolutionary adaptedness was different in this regard - which would explain why we have these disagreeable and violent impulses - but in modern society that seems to be true, at least.) In fact, I think people who say that others are being critical for strategic reasons often do so not because the evidence suggests it to be the case, but because it’s an effective rhetorical technique. It’s an ad hominem-attack that makes critical people look insincere. But even though critical people often overdo it, I think they’re typically not insincere. https://lnkd.in/em3XPWb8

Strategic disagreeableness is uncommon — Stefan Schubert

Strategic disagreeableness is uncommon — Stefan Schubert

stefanfschubert.com

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