Ware: the porn capital of Britain?

Name: Ware.

Age: At least 7,000 years.

Appearance: Hairy-palmed.

Some sort of town, isn't it? That's right. A pretty little place of 18,000 souls close to Hertford, said to have been named after the weirs built to foil Viking raiders in Anglo-Saxon times. Until this week, it was best known for the Great Bed of Ware, a giant four-poster mentioned in Shakespeare's Twelfth Night.

As opposed to all the other Twelfth Nights, presumably. And now? It's been dubbed the porn capital of Britain. According to the hugely popular site Pornhub.

Which no Guardian reader will have heard of, let alone visited. That's the one. Ware's inhabitants apparently spend longer perusing the site than any other Britons – 10 minutes and 37 seconds per visit, versus the English average of 9.42, the Welsh of 9.38, the Scottish of 9.45 and the Northern Irish of 9.35.

Does this mean that Ware is porn-obsessed, though, or just that its inhabitants take longer than most to… er… conclude their business? Good question. But I wouldn't go raising it in Billingshurst, West Sussex, where they log off almost two minutes sooner.

Is this Ware's only claim to fame? Far from it. Ware is "famous" for the picturesque River Lea and for its 18th century gazebos.

Er… A gazebo is a sort of summer house. The town is also home to Scott's Grotto, built for the 18th-century poet John Scott. This has the glorious distinction of being the largest collection of artificial caverns in Britain.

No wonder everyone's driven to their computers. There's more. According to Ware Online, this month locals can also enjoy badminton, archery and dog training at the Drill Hall, jazzercise at Chauncy School, a pub quiz at the Albion, French cookery classes at Collett Lodge, a nearly-new sale at the Age Concern Centre, and Bible classes at the Christadelphian Hall.

Will you say it, or will I? I have no idea what you mean.

This lends a whole new meaning to the term "bored stiff". Sorry.

Do say: "No to porn."

Don't say: "Yes, yes, yes, yes, OH YESSSSSS!"