Ep. #83 Polyamory, Non-Monogamy, and The Process of Individuation w/ Dr. Joli Hamilton, PhD

Dr. Joli Hamilton

Dr. Joli Hamilton is a Relationship Coach, TEDx Speaker, Jealousy Expert, Research Psychologist, Professor, Author, and Podcast Host. The Relationship Coach for Couples Who Color Outside the Lines! Joli helps people experience the freedom, deep security, and sexual fulfillment that comes when they shift from plain-old monogamy to MORE. More WHAT exactly? Polyamory, ethical nonmonogamy, creative monogamy- Joli guides you out of the standard script and into the life you were meant to have!

“Your relationship can be both open and secure. It is possible. I help people do it every.single.day. Action-takers can have this life. Intentionally designed love, whether it is creatively monogamous or consensually non-monogamous, doesn’t mean sacrificing stability or depth of connection.  But the rules you learned about love won’t get you where you want to go.

You need a masterful coach to guide you. This is your most profound connection- you don’t want to risk losing it just to get laid- you’re an adult. But you also don’t want a walking-dead life just because someone else said buttoned-up was the only way to do love. It’s time to flip over tables and toss the rule books. My signature process gives you the skills you need to take full creative power over your love life!”

In this episode, Joli and Shane discuss her work and studies on polyamory – the practice of having more than one romantic or sexual partner. What exactly does polyamory entail? Who is polyamorous? What are some of the major challenges? What are the benefits? What about jealousy? Is polyamory a pathway to individuation? These are just a few of the topics up for discussion in this episode. 

Check Out Joli’s Podcast: Playing with Fire: Non-Monogamy& Individuation:

151 Justice Jealousy Playing With Fire

Some kinds of jealousy can just feel totally overwhelming. They may even make you feel rage. Justice jealousy is definitely one of them. Justice jealousy—a term that was coined by Jessica Fern (one of our favorite authors and recurring PWF guest)—can happen when your partner wasn’t able to provide something for you in the past, and then you witness them providing that same thing to one of their other partners. Ouch! The feelings that come up in these situations can be strong. So we’re here to give you strong frameworks, ideas, and tools that can help you understand, unpack, and work towards finding a resolution. (Spoiler alert, resolution might not look like what you had in mind when justice jealousy is in the picture!) In this episode, we talk about: — Why it’s important to know the difference between jealousy and envy — What underlying issues can fuel strong feelings of justice jealousy — Why it may be more helpful to focus on empathy and understanding instead of strict ideas of fairness — The complexities of relationship repair in situations of justice jealousy — Communication, forgiveness, healing, and the tools that can help you work through justice jealousy and its related issues Resources mentioned in this episode: Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma and Consensual Non-Monogamy by Jessica Fern Imago Dialogue: Episode 129 of Playing With Fire Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at⁠⁠ ⁠www.JoliQuiz.com⁠ Get the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything here Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions
  1. 151 Justice Jealousy
  2. 150 Asymmetric Agreements: How much balance should we strive for?
  3. 149 Relationship Agreements 101
  4. 148 Can my attachment style do non-monogamy?
  5. 147 How to build healthy differentiation

Leave a comment