How to Befriend Someone

Co-authored by Christy Irvine, PhD

Last Updated: November 27, 2022

Everyone needs friends, right? Befriending someone can be very rewarding. You get to know someone new who you can share experiences with, who you can hang out with, and, hopefully, who you will be friends with for years to come. However, finding someone you want to be friends with, and then starting an actual friendship, can be difficult whether it's a total stranger or a casual acquaintance.

Method 1

Method 1 of 4:

Finding a Friend as an Adult

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1
Find and join a group that does an activity you enjoy. Doing something you enjoy will most likely involve people with common interests to you. Having a common interest will make it easier to get to know someone, as you will have something to discuss.
- Put yourself into new situations even if you're a little nervous about it.^{[1]
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  Expert Source
  
  Christy Irvine, PhD
  Licensed Clinical Psychologist
  
  Expert Interview. 9 April 2021.}
2
Volunteer with a charitable organization. If you are willing to give your time to a good cause, you may also get a new friend for your time.
- Doing certain kinds of volunteer work may attract people who have similarities to you. If you have kids, consider volunteering to coach one of their teams. This will get you in contact with other parents of kids the same age. If you are religious, consider volunteering at your religious institution. This will allow you to meet other people who prioritize religion in their lives.
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3
Befriend your neighbor or co-worker. You don't always have to go out of your neighborhood to find a new friend.
- Do you run into the same neighbors outside of there homes working in their yards or playing with their kids all the time? Strike up a casual conversation with them and gauge whether you would like to hang out with them. If you would, invite them over to your house for coffee or a drink. Make is super causal but make the effort.
- Take the time to get to know your coworkers. There may be one that you would like to hang out with outside of work.

Method 2

Method 2 of 4:

Finding a Friend as a Child

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1
Be friendly to kids at school or in your neighborhood. Don't be afraid to say hello to a kid you don't already know. They may not end up being your friend but it doesn't hurt to try.
- Ask them about themselves, for instance what kind of games they like to play or what their favorite subject is at school.
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Play with someone new on the playground. Ask to join a game already in progress or organize a game yourself with a variety of kids.
- If you meet someone new that likes to play games or do activities that are different from what you usually do, don't be afraid to try something new and play with them anyway. You may discover a new friend at the same time as you find some new activity that you like.
3
Join a sports team or an after school club. There are usually a variety of activities to choose from, so pick an activity you think you might enjoy.
- Your school it not the only place to find fun after school activities where you can make friends. Search for a local community center or a boys and girls center for a variety of programs they might run.
- Remember that you don't have to be an expert at the sport or activity that you choose. Part of joining a team or a class is that you will improve your skills, wherever they are to start is just fine.

Method 3

Method 3 of 4:

Befriending a Stranger

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A smile can go a long way if you are trying to make a friend in the line at the grocery store or while playing with your dog at the dog park. It signals to strangers that you are pleasant and that you may be approachable.
Say hello to people you might like to befriend. Ask them how their day is going or some other icebreaker.
It is important to show that you are interested in the person you are trying to befriend. Don't just tell them about yourself, instead leave room in the conversation for them to engage. This can be done by asking them questions and waiting for them to answer.^{[2]
X
Expert Source

Christy Irvine, PhD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist

Expert Interview. 9 April 2021.}
Nobody wants to hang out with someone who is completely timid, but you also don't want to appear completely self-absorbed. Be sure that you are walking the line between the two.
Ask the person what they enjoy doing in their spare time. Suggest a common activity that you both could do together.^{[3]
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Haven't we all said that we should do something and then the plans were never solidified? If you really want to hang out with this person, make concrete plans to hang out. If you have a plan you are more likely to actually spend time together.
It may take some commitment on your part to create a new friendship, as people lead busy and hectic lives that don't always lend themselves to new relationships, but don't give up easily. If someone you are trying to befriend cancels plans or doesn't respond to your call or email right away, don't give up. Give people several chances before walking away.
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Expect that the person you are befriending will give some effort as well. Friendship is not a one way street. While it may fall to you to make the first steps toward a lasting friendship, you should not be doing all the work.^{[4]
X
Expert Source

Christy Irvine, PhD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist

Expert Interview. 9 April 2021.}
- Sometimes you want to be friends with someone but they just don't make the effort to keep the relationship going. One of the biggest benefits of having a friendship is that you feel that someone else likes and cares for you and that you reciprocate those feelings. If this is the case, it may be best to walk away. Find someone else who will give you the kind of friendship you deserve.

Method 4

Method 4 of 4:

Befriending a Co-worker

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Pick someone to become friends with at work. Unless you work by yourself, there are usually a lot of opportunities to create lasting relationships in any work place with a wide variety of types of people.^{[5]
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Research source}
- You may like or feel comfortable with a particular person at work. In normal everyday interactions there may be a few people who you know you “click” with. Those are your potential friends.
- While you probably won't connect with everyone you work with, it's important to make a good friend at the place where you spend most of your waking hours.
In order for you to befriend someone at work you will need to show them that you are nice to be around. While work can be stressful at times, be sure to keep an air of approachability and pleasantness even when having difficult conversations.
^{[6]
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Research source} Spend your breaks hanging out with your coworkers, instead of by yourself. Even though you may not enjoy every conversation, you will figure out who you enjoy hanging out with and who you do not.
Try to familiarize yourself with what interests and hobbies the other person might have. You may be surprised to find that you might end up sharing interests or hobbies with someone you work with.
Friendship is not something that can be built in a day, it takes time and commitment at both ends, just like any other relationship. If you want to be friends with a coworker you will need to spend time with them outside of your workplace. Build your friendship off of common interests and fun activities, not just proximity during work hours.

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Question

I like this girl and I want to get her attention, I smile at her sometimes but it goes no where. How can I start a conversation with her?

Community Answer

Just go up to her and say hi. When she says hi back, ask her how her day is going, what she plans to do that night/over the weekend, where she lives, etc. Ask follow-up questions to keep the conversation going. Once you've talked to her once or twice, it will be much easier to know what to say and keep the friendship going.

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What side should I use when walking?

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It depends where you are in the world. Most countries have this unspoken rule - the side you drive on, you walk on.

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He is a guy at school a year older. I didn't give him a good first impression, but he sometimes smiles at me. How can I befriend him?

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The best way to do that is to just say "Hi". After that, get to know each other and ask him what his interests are. Then go from there.

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